Well, that was a time-wasting little shit show, wasn’t it? Jacketless Jimmy Jordon tried and tried again to strap himself into the Speaker’s chair, but just this once, praise Jesus, terror of Trump, and of the threat-uttering thugs who worship him, couldn’t quite coerce all of the generally gutless idiots in the GOP House Caucus to knuckle under. Our Jimbo forced three floor votes, looking ever more desperate and afflicted with flop sweat as the week dragged on, and received less support each time, until they finally all went behind closed doors and took a secret ballot on whether to put a stop to the ongoing farce. I emphasize: it was a secret ballot. Thus, something like a hundred of the quivering pant-loads who couldn’t bring themselves to vote publicly to reject MAGA were only too happy to do so in private; there were only 90 odd ballots in favour of Jim persisting, as against about 195 who were still voting for him in the plain light of day, when the cameras were on. Like I said, gutless. In this miserable caucus, you’ve got the Trumpanistas, then the largely nameless rabble of career squirrels, and not a lot besides. Only 22 out of 222 – a mere and astonishingly disgraceful 10% of the yellow-bellied Trumpsuckers – had the stones to give Jordan the thumbs-down on the record, but in this almost evenly divided Congress that was way more than enough. In the House of Representatives, unlike in the nation it purports to serve, majority rules.
So here it is Sunday, as I write, and nothing’s going on because after failing, yet again, to cure Congress of its paralysis, the Republicans decided to take the weekend off and have a wee bit of a think. Sure guys, take a breather, no need to hurry up or anything. Tomorrow, presumably, the circus comes back to town, because they have to select someone for the lousy job, even if it’s the most deplorable sack of shit and old MAGA blubber on the menu. They can’t leave the House Speakerless forever, with all of the Federal Government on pause while the treasury runs out of money, Ukraine burns, the Middle East blows up, and God knows what other simmering pot boils over – keep your eyes on Taiwan, as this drags on – they just can’t. Things have to happen. It’s starting to get dangerous. Something’s gotta give.
Right? That’s right, isn’t it?
Now, don’t get me wrong. The ongoing clown show needs to end before serious consequences start to flow, sure, but despite prolonging the risk and agony, it’s truly wonderful that Jordan was rejected as if the House had a gag reflex, and just couldn’t swallow his candidacy. It’s not only the happiest development since Donald’s last indictment, it’s cause for the tiniest little glimmer of something that feels almost like optimism. The Republic dodged a bullet, no two ways about it. Wow! Maybe the worst possible outcome isn’t always inevitable. The thing is, and yes there’s a cloud to this silver lining, now they have to pick somebody else (see above), pronto, and whoever that is, whatever jagoff still wants the job, it’s still likely to be an awful, awful person. Not as bad as Jordan, one can’t help but hope, but dreadful. Who’s in the running? Does Steve Scalise, the racist asshole who referred to himself (referred to himself!! ) as “David Duke without the baggage”, take another run at it? What about craven opportunist and general all-around bag of scorpions Elise Stefanik, who’s name hasn’t come up yet for some reason? Maybe they all just mutter fuckit, and resurrect Kevin McCarthy’s wrinkly grey carcass? Or what? The best we seem able to wish for is that some obscure non-entity, hailing from some unimportant district in one of the less consequential fly-over states, is picked as a compromise everybody can live with for the moment. The eventual winner/loser might even be among the minority of his traitorous caucus who didn’t vote in favour of overturning Biden’s election, making him someone the Democrats could support if that’s the only way out of this mess. Honestly, at this point, that would really be something to celebrate.
Here’s what ought to happen: the remaining Republican Representatives who aren’t as crazy as shit-house rats should break with the f’ing Freedom Caucus, approach Hakeem Jeffries, and play a little Let’s Make a Deal. While they’re at it, they should declare themselves to be a whole new political party – the “Real GOP”, or something like that – and leave the MAGA crazies behind to become, officially, what they’ve always actually been: a third party of radical insurrectionist whack jobs who wish not to govern, but to burn the joint down. A loose form of coalition government with the Dems could then resume the people’s business, each side accepting trade-offs on lots of things, just like in the Before Time, while nevertheless agreeing on what used to be known as “bedrock principles”, the ideas which no real patriot rejects, like, oh, I dunno, America must remain a democracy, the Constitution must be supported and defended just like the oath says, and the liberal, rules-based international order is a good thing. They could even revive the idea that the job of those elected to govern is actually to do something that smacks of governing, like, for example, keep the lights on, and maybe pass some legislation. If just a few of those fearful little purse Pomeranians could come to their senses, fling up their hands, and resolve to abandon MAGA lest the American Experiment ends in abject failure, all might yet be set to rights.
What’s that you say? You’re reminded of the great line from Raising Arizona: If frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump their ass a-hoppin’?
Yeah, I know.
Anyway, though the fusillade continues, we did manage to duck one very high velocity round. Jim Jordan, an appallingly corrosive politician and an out-and-out traitor, will not be Speaker. It ain’t much, maybe, but it’s not nothing.
the needlefish 