Are you old enough to remember the election campaign of 1988, when hapless Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis made his ill-starred run for the White House, and ended up being slaughtered by Bush the Elder? That rat bastard Lee Atwater kneecapped him with Willie Horton, and then Mike auto-delivered his own coup de grace with a photo op that went so horribly wrong that decades later, political operatives were still describing it as the worst of its kind in campaign history:
I dunno, I guess his team figured it would make him look macho if they plunked him into the turret of an M1 Abrams and had him ride around in front of the cameras like an Army Man. Nope! As the 70-ton armoured vehicle drove back and forth and ‘round and ‘round for the press corps, he ended up looking like a little kid riding the Tilt-A-Whirl at Seven Flags. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Look at me on my great big Army Tank! How do you like my helmet? Cool, right? They tell me it’s what you wear when you’re a real live tank driver!
Well, that was pretty dumb, sure enough, but it’s no longer the dumbest campaign image ever taken, and neither is this, until just now its only conceivable rival:
Sorry Ron, but as of yesterday we have a new champ. Behold, The Donald dressed up for his latest masterpiece of political theatre:
Yoiks! What in the name of Roy Cohn and the House Un-American Activities Committee is going on here? Who allowed this? Jesus H. Christ on a hobby horse, he looks like a f#*king clown who just got through a shift of community service picking up litter by the side of the highway! The image is so frickin’ ludicrous that people were circulating it with captions insisting swear to God, this is a real picture, not AI. The Twitterati, grasping immediately what now seems obvious to the rest of us, pronounced Donald the probable love child of an Oompa-Loompa and a low-end inflatable sex doll:
Hyuk! Good one, Twitterati!
Actually, the comparison to a roadside sanitation worker is apt, since that’s exactly the look Donald was going for – no, really – attempting, we’re given to understand, an acerbic comment on Joe Biden’s supposed reference to Trump supporters as “garbage”, a remark which was itself an angry riposte to the “comic” at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally who quipped that Puerto Rico was a “floating island of garbage”. Suddenly “garbage” was the weaponized word of the day, and Donald decided to jump all over the opportunity to take control of the insult away from the Dems. MAGA folk aren’t garbage, he said, claiming that he had “250,000,000” followers (just the latest fake stat he’s pulled out his great big ass) and we know who is, though I’m not going to say it! Then, apparently in the belief that it would add a whole new layer of persuasive visual pizazz, he clambered into the cab of a big white garbage truck decked out in MAGA regalia, almost falling over in the process as he repeatedly mis-grabbed at the door handle, and proceeded to have himself driven around in aimless circles on the airport tarmac, thus pushing DeSantis and Dukakis into the number three and four spots, respectively:
I’m sure the MAGA faithful were bowled over by the brilliance of it all. I’m sure they were all clapping and barking like harbour seals about to get their kippers. Chalk up another one for the stable genius!
It’s going to be a hoot to see if he can top even this in the few days he has left, and I’m also making book on whether he can possibly get any more orange prior to election day. You wouldn’t think so, would you, but then you wouldn’t have thought so a couple of weeks ago, either, but he did! Just look at him at the rally last night:
Holy cow that’s orange! It’s more than orange! As I scan my handy Pantone colour chart, I think we’re into the mid-range of the Burnt Umber palette, maybe #b5422f, and I’m betting he can dig even deeper. Pick a number and lay your bet for November 5! I’ve got dibs on #742b1e.
Five days to go.
the needlefish 