…none other than everybody’s favourite warlord, Pete Hegseth!
Geez, it’s been a while since we awarded a Gohmert around here, but that’s because the editorial criteria require an utterance from a prominent political figure that’s not only monumentally stupid, but also kind of funny. Now, we’ve certainly had our fair share of monumentally stupid these past few months, indeed we’ve had ourselves umpteen metric buttloads of monumentally stupid, but funny? Not so much. Kristi Noem labelling a citizen murdered by her masked ICE goons as a domestic terrorist? Not funny. Pam Bondi doing the tap dance and going hummana hummana hummana before a Congressional oversight committee while she struggles to explain why she’s covering up the Epstein files? Not funny. Trump ranting about whatever it he’s upset about at the moment? Lately, not so funny. Even this, which we considered for a Gohmert, isn’t really all that funny, when you think about it, though Twitter poster PixieD apparently thought so:
Sorry, but rubbing Pearl Harbour in the face of the Japanese Prime Minister? Monumentally stupid, sure, and gross, vulgar, offensive, and mean-spirited to boot, but not funny.
This, however, is hilarious:
It’s old news by now, since it happened more than 48 hours ago, but still, how could we here at the Needlefish let this pass without commemorating it in some fashion? This may be the single dumbest thing that ever popped out of the pie hole of a Cabinet-level Secretary of the United States, and it really merits the taking of a moment to savour fully. What Pete Kegstand is saying here, basically, is that the Strait of Hormuz is wide open, except for the measures that Iran has taken to close it. If those perfidious Iranians weren’t making it impossible to transit, why, the waterway would be completely navigable! The water’s still there! There’s nothing stopping you, unless they’ve mined the sea lanes (which maybe they have, we don’t know, because how the hell would we know?), but whatever, look, it remains physically possible to steam right on in and see what happens, so what gives? Get on with it! Dammit, act like manly men, ye quavering, weak-kneed sea dogs, and run the gauntlet like you’ve got some cajones!
If it wasn’t closed, it’d be open. That’s almost a tautology. Or is it an axiom? A truism? I dunno, but it sure is achingly moronic, and that’s what counts.
Ah, Pete, you’re as dumb as me arse. Here you go, buddy:
the needlefish 