Hard as it is to Believe, No, We Haven’t Seen Everything Yet
Oh my God.
OH MY GOD.
I’m trying to resist making every second post about the golem known variously as Tangerine Hitler, Orange Julius Caesar, Hair Fuhrer and Mango Mussolini – you can check out the growing list of A.K.A.’s here: http://www.citypages.com/news/the-20-best-nicknames-for-donald-trump-so-far/389377462 – but what can I do when, just at the point where we think we’ve seen it all, the sentient candied yam starts sending out tweets that seem meant to function as Executive Orders? To date, we’ve all become comfortably inured to the usual twitter fare, the rants, the incoherent tirades against fake news, “covfefe”, all that jazz, but still, as Spottswoode says to Gary in Team America, we haven’t seen everything.
Clearly we hadn’t, anyway, not before yesterday.
But have we now, finally? Can reading the tweet that follows, perhaps, be the Twitter equivalent of watching a man eat his own head?
After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow … Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming … victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you.
Just as an aside, I love the little “thank you” at the end. Gosh, mister, you’re welcome! Tweet at us any old time!
Bear in mind, this caught the Pentagon completely flat-footed. Nobody saw it coming. There was no consultation with his unnamed “Generals”. Defence Secretary Mattis wasn’t even in Washington, and doubtless knew nothing about it. Meanwhile, the open service of transgender personnel had previously been established by directives made through the appropriate military channels, in obedience to the appropriately formal orders of duly constituted civilian leadership. The policy was set. Training had been instituted, resources allocated, and thousands of transgender servicemen and women are now serving honourably at home and in combat abroad. I even bet most of them would like a decisive and overwhelming victory just as much as the next soldier. You win, you go home, right?
Ah, to win, just this once…
So what now? Transgender personnel are banned as of when, exactly? Right away? That’s it? Pack it up, gender-benders, sez here that it’s all over? Can’t you just see some grunt on foot patrol in Afghanistan saying “Gee Sarge, do I just go home now or what?” Were pilots rolling in to drop smart bombs on ISIS targets supposed to suddenly break off and abort? Did various tanks stop rolling as their drivers unbuckled and exited out through the front hatch, as per the President’s order? If not, were they being insubordinate? Say you’re some sort of unit commander – what do you tell the troops? Never you mind, son, that’s just Dear Leader having another one of his spells. As you were, Jenkins, I’m sure he didn’t really mean it.
Big, hairy question: is this policy? Can an ill-considered and utterly impractical, nay totally deranged, early morning tweet from the crapper amount to the same thing as an Executive Order? Who knows? No? Maybe? Can everyone simply ignore the yammerings of The Commander-in-Chief when it’s just another mindless middle-of-the-dump twitter belch? What if he declares war or something – a power reserved to Congress, but hey, Der Donald doesn’t know that, and neither, these days, do the members of the House and Senate – does the Brass put their hands over their ears and sing “la la la”? I wouldn’t assume as much. That’s not how they’re wired. We might just wake up one morning and find out that a pre-emptive strike on North Korea was set in motion over the twitter feed from the White House Presidential Shithole at 4 AM.
If it does become the norm to pretend such tweets never happened, is this not a tacit admission that the President is altogether nuts, and need not be heeded if he acts on his own without adult supervision? Do we dare go there? Do we dare not?
Honestly, I don’t know where we go from here. I wouldn’t be surprised, not really, if the moron tweeted out the launch codes in an attempt to authenticate his spur-of-the-moment mid-peristaltic decision to nuke frigging Iran. I’m hoping that if the signal doesn’t come through the proper electronic boxes, it can’t be interpreted as a valid command, but I’d rather not be betting my life on it.
Seriously, can nobody hide his goddam smartphone?