There it is, that White Generic Meathead Face, fit for the beaming mug of some racist grifting Evangelical pedophile, or your typical Republican Congressman, take your pick. There’s always some new idiot with some version of this awful face ready to fix bayonet and storm up Capitol Hill; get him elected (easy), then wind him up and point him in the right direction, and off he’ll charge, wailing his war cry of grievance and hollering his scripted right wing talking points like a good little shock trooper. One look and you know all you need to know. You don’t even need to hear him whine about the unfair process overseen by Captain Kangaroo. You don’t even need to see him and his goonish frat boy buddies charge a secure facility in what Rick Wilson described as a “panty raid”, there to intimidate witnesses and disrupt depositions, or be told how he and his fellow pledges then set up shop in the abandoned room and ordered in a bunch of pizzas, chowing down and yukking it up until they all got bored a few hours later and scurried away, leaving their mess of discarded crusts and greasy boxes behind.
You already know. He’s White GOP Guy, and he’ll be from Florida or Texas or South Carolina, with a name like Devin or Buddy or Matt, the latest dumbass to win his gerrymandered district full of quiveringly fearful dumbass white people. He’ll hang around Washington for the next 50 years or so, until they’re wheeling him in and out on a gurney to vote for the latest tax break for the rich, and in all that time he’ll never understand the first fucking thing about anything at all. Today he pledges allegiance to Trump. Tomorrow, who knows. Whatever they got. Whoever wears the colours. One day, far, far too long from now, he can finally ascend to the Caucasian Valhalla where the wrinkly grey ghosts of Strom Thurmond, Orrin Hatch, Chuck Grassley, Mitch McConnell, Jeff Sessions and Lindsey Graham will stand waiting for him, grinning like Jack o’Lanterns.
Fuck this guy. Fuck him and everybody that looks like him. Maybe we’ll catch a break and see him like this again soon:
the needlefish 