When I was a teenager we owned a beloved cat who was more than half Maine Coon, and he had the big, emotionally expressive eyes, almost like a dog’s, typical of the breed. You could always tell what he was thinking. There was a time when my Dad was the one who happened to be in the kitchen at feeding time, and he pulled a likely looking can out of the Lazy Susan, not realizing that it wasn’t cat food, but about five great big 1982 bucks worth of Underwood deviled ham. The tins were vaguely similar, about the same shape, size and weight. He emptied the fancy delectable contents into the bowl, and Albert, the cat, rushed right over, but then paused, and looked up quizzically at my father. “Swear to God, Graeme” Dad told me later, “he stared into my eyes looking almost sad, and I could practically hear him ask me: no fooling?”
I’m sitting here at three in the morning, and I’ve got the same feline query for the State of Georgia. By all appearances, Ossoff and Warnock have won both Senate seats for the Dems, which will flip the chamber and is thus plainly too good to be true. Normally I’d be too cautious to even believe it. Straight up, Georgia: no fooling?
I can’t help myself! Joy!! Bliss!!
Now, I know I just posted a column moaning that even if the Dems won both seats in Georgia and took control of the Senate, Joe Biden couldn’t be expected to ride the resulting razor-thin majority, which can’t be counted upon to persist beyond the next mid-terms in two short years, to some sort of socio-political revolution. That’s not how the American system works, I said, dejectedly.
Well yes, that’s true.
Still, though, it’s glorious! Despite the endless frustrations still to come! Just think! If this holds, Mitch won’t be Senate Majority leader! He won’t be able to stop things from even coming to a vote! The Dems will control all the committees! Biden’s cabinet appointments can’t get blocked! No more Federalist Society punks clogging up the judiciary! No stonewalling any SCOTUS appointments that might come up! No more tax cuts for the obscenely wealthy! No more smirking jowly Mitch standing there at his rostrum, blandly spouting lies in his condescending tortoise voice as he murders stone dead yet another Democratic House Bill!
Oh boy oh boy! It’s like Christmas morning when I was six!
Now I’m going to have to educate myself more fully on the filibuster rules, and the extent to which the GOP can still obstruct things if the Dems are too characteristically timid to repeal them (or can’t, because this one dummy in their ranks, Joe Manchin, has promised to get in the way, and in a 50-50 Senate it only takes one defection to throw a spanner in the works. This guy, just about the last of an an almost extinct variety of conservative Democrat, could be a real pain in the ass going forward; oh well, worry about that later).
Just to watch McConnell relinquish control, oh, I’m bathing in an unexpected tub of warm glee. And it’s all Donald’s fault. He’s the whining cretin who kept calling the election rigged, and had his surrogates run around the State telling the MAGA faithful that there was no point in voting. He’s the one who got everybody excited about $2,000 cheques, wrong-footing Perdue and Loeffler and forcing his own GOP to kill off a highly popular idea that the Dems were only too happy to support. Then there was his just find me the 11,780 votes fer chrissakes Mafia call to the Georgia Secretary of State. No way the Dems take both seats without that kind of dumbass help from the Cheeto in Chief! Oh, you really screwed the pooch this time, Donny-boy! Ya frickin’ idiot! Suck it!
I shall now heave a huge contented sigh, before retiring to dream sweet dreams.
Geez, I hope I don’t wake up and find out it isn’t so. The Cosmos, cruel as it is, could never be that vicious – could it? C’mon Georgia! Don’t break my heart! Leave the yucky old Miss Mew in the cupboard, and give me the good stuff!