…world-renowned Trump-loving cretin Ronny Jackson (R)(Texas), for jumping on what might just be the flat-out stupidest MAGA bandwagon to yet rattle ’round the pike:
The reader may have vague recollections of Jackson from his tenure as Trump’s White House Physician, when he used to curry favour with the bloated Cheeto-in-Chief by holding press conferences in which he claimed that the corpulent, KFC-chugging Donald was a superb physical specimen both taller and lighter than all objective criteria, and the immutable laws of physics, would otherwise seem to indicate. Trump, Ronny insisted with breathtaking sycophancy, had God-given genes that might even see him through to his 200th birthday, provided he scaled back a little on the just-before-bedtime Big Macs. The fluffing eventually earned him an utterly undeserved nomination to run the Veterans Administration, a highly challenging position for which he was manifestly unqualified, but then it came out that he was an inveterate drunk who routinely doped himself stuporous on sleeping pills, letched after female staffers, and generally created a toxic work environment, forcing a disappointed Trump to look elsewhere. Tough luck, that. Poor Ronny was that close to joining Donald’s Cavalcade of Cabinet Stars, and damn, he would have fit right in, but never mind, because after that, rather than curling up into a ball and dying of shame, he wrote himself a second act by running for a seat in Congress as a Republican in the Texas 13th District. Being both Caucasian and dumb as a sack of hammers, he won handily.
So here we are.
That the new COVID variant now brewing in South Africa is part of a Democratic plot to win the midterms next year isn’t Doctor Ronny’s bright idea. They’ve been barking the same shit like harbour seals all over Fox News, as I noted at the end of yesterday’s screed about the Wall Street Journal:
So, no points for originality, which weighed heavily in our deliberations. Yet somebody needs to be recognized for this latest MAGA conspiracy theory, and under the rules, unelected cable news idiots aren’t eligible – besides, it’s one thing to see Rupert Murdoch’s couch muffins spewing this infantile drivel on his propaganda network, and quite another to have the same effluent pouring out of the flappity-yap of an elected member of the House of Representatives. Time was, it would even have been shocking. Nowadays, of course, there’s so little daylight between the crazies in the Mike Lindell/Alex Jones/Tucker Carlson Axis of A-hole and the illuminati in the Republican caucus that it’s hard to keep ’em all straight, and tough for us here at the Gomeys to keep up – why just today, the Committee had to wrestle with whether Jackson here should get the prize, or Lauren Boebert, for accusing fellow Representative Ilhan Omar of being an Islamic terrorist, or Marjorie Taylor Greene, for this tweet in support:
Honestly, it’s exhausting. If we here at the Academy were determined to hand out as many of these gongs as are legitimately earned, we’d be at this all frigging day. Anyway, it seemed to us that race-baiting Islamophobia is just so run-of-the-mill these days, while accusing the entire global epidemiological community of trying to rig the U.S. mid-terms for the Dems by hyping something that might actually cause a disastrous and economically ruinous surge of death and disease on Biden’s watch – which, geez, I don’t know, might not provide the electoral boost that Joe, Chuck and Nancy are hoping for – well, that’s got it all, suggesting that all those foreign scientists are just making stuff up, figuring, somehow, that this helps the Dems (obsessed, as they obviously all are, with meddling in U.S. politics at the expense of tending to their own responsibilities). That’s truly world-class bullshit, especially coming from a guy who used to pretend to be a responsible public servant and serious health professional. Look, anybody can call AOC a communist, or taunt Ilhan Omar with epithets like “jihad Squad”. That’s easy. Lazy, even. This shit, though, is next level. This guy came to play.
So here you go, Doc! Keep it up, and maybe we’ll see you at next year’s Tournament of Champions!
the needlefish 