Wait, whoa, what in the blue blazes? Who’s that giving the GOP response to Biden’s State of the Union? Well butter my bum and call me “biscuit” – Sarah? That you? Hey! Sarah Huckabee Sanders, it is you, as I live and breathe! Will wonders never cease, I do declare, and here I was just beginning to think you were gone forever! What’s that you say? Gov’ner? Y’all are the Gov’ner of Arkansas? Just like your Daddy! My word! Well bless your heart!
Urgh.
Yup. Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Governor of Arkansas. Surprised? Why? I told you this would happen, I did, look, I said so in a post way back on June 15, 2019, when she stepped down as Secretary of Bullshit:
What will she do? Where will she go? Donald suggests she run for Governor of her native Arkansas, and what do you bet she’d win? Why sure she would, just like her dad, Mike Huckabee, did back in the day. They like them some Huckabees down that way…One way or another, though, I doubt we’re through with Sarah. She’s not done messing with us yet. Nope. Our luck doesn’t break that way.
You people never listen! You think I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground! That Graeme, you say, always flappin’ his gums, and never has a sensible thing to say, the big old doofus. It’s his wife I feel sorry for, poor thing.
OK, OK, so it didn’t take mystical foresight to see this coming. It was entirely predictable. No cookie for me. Yet, even when you fully expect such things, it’s still kind of surprising when they happen, isn’t it? Especially when it’s something liable to trigger a crippling bout of PTSD. And hives. Plus, you know what it means when they roll a body out to give the big rebuttal to the SOTU: they hope to anoint him/her as the Next Chosen One. Let that sink in a bit. Sarah Huckabee Sanders being groomed for the top slot. Try it on for size: President Huckabee Sanders. How’s that sound? Try it again: The President of these United States, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Ooooooh. Gives you chills!
Settle down now, settle down, let’s not jump the gun with the reflexive panic. It might never happen. These rebuttal monkeys have a way of driving straight into the nearest lamp post as soon as you sit them behind the wheel. It was Marco Rubio once. Remember that? Probably not. He was pilloried for taking a furtive gulp of water, looking guilty, like a disobedient school boy. Then it was Michelle Bachman, proto-Palin nut case that she was. For some reason she wouldn’t look into the camera. After that (or was it before?) we got Bobby Jindal, whoo boy, by most accounts the worst of them all – people thought he was creepy AF. One smoking hole after another. I’m writing this before the performance, but maybe it’ll be the same for Sarah. Maybe Governor of Arkansas is as far as she goes. Supposing we’re lucky. Do you feel lucky?
POST-SCRIPT:
Sarah didn’t disappoint!
the needlefish 