…perennial all-star/repeat offender Ron Johnson (R)(Wi), who’s just so deliciously stupid that we can’t bring ourselves to award him the Standing Gomey he deserves, because then it would just be assumed that everything that pops out of his yap merits the prize, and we wouldn’t get to comment on anything in particular any more. How could we bear it, if it meant missing a chance to applaud golden nuggets like this:
Yup, they’ve gone from denying climate change is real to claiming that hey, it’s actually a good thing, because then it gets warmer in hellishly cold places like his home state of Wisconsin. Fewer hypothermia deaths, what’s wrong with that? Sure, it’ll probably be grim for the poor benighted folk in, I dunno, Africa say, and not so great either if you live within 100 miles of a coastline, or near one of those desiccated forests that keep burning down all over the place, and we don’t like your business model going forward if it involves stuff like irrigating crops, but boy howdy, endless summer sure sounds good to Wisconsinites. Have you ever been there in December? Cold? Geez, I guess it’s cold. Upend a cup of piping hot coffee and it hits the ground with a thud, frozen solid, and that’s when it’s not even cloudy. Good riddance to that noise! Bring on the beach weather!
Too bad about Miami, I guess, but that’s what you get for imagining that sea levels are stable. Plus, think of the real estate opportunities opening up in Greenland, amiright?
Ron, you witless chucklefuck, we can’t say you’re one of kind, sadly, but still, what a performer. What a champ. Here you go:
the needlefish 