My many ardent fans will recall my rather, er, eccentric affection for stuffed bears, especially Gund stuffed bears, to which I give names like Walter, Wellington, and Bixby. Well! Walmart just released an ad featuring a bear that could be sitting right here on the couch with me! Looks a lot like my own Philbin Bear, actually. It’s adorable! Those rapacious, predatory capitalists have crafted a Christmas shopping message that pretty much puts me in tears!
If this doesn’t melt your heart, well, then I guess I just don’t know: