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Is anybody else out there haunted by this ad?

They play it all the time on MSNBC, so as I watch the ongoing Covid-19 shit show all hours of the day and night I keep seeing this frigging thing, over and over again, and it’s so appallingly ear-wormy that I can’t help but belt along with it. There I am, sitting on my couch, bellowing in my best operatic baritone:

I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now!!

I’m like that poor benighted tenor in the Bugs Bunny cartoon who can’t help singing along with Bugs:

My girl, she’s a fancy stepper/Ginger, with salt and pepper

Day and night, while I stew here in self-imposed social isolation, fearing the plague that will surely infect me the instant I set foot on my porch, it plays incessantly in my head. I hum it as I boil up a kettle to make some more Cup-A-Soup. I sing it in the shower. Asleep at night, I dream it. I improvise my own lyrics:

I’m indebted to the mafia, and I need cash now!!

I’m suffering in obscurity, and I need cash now!!

I’m a lowly mediocrity, and I need cash now!!

I’m wallowing in my misery, and I need cash now!!

I swallowed something slippery, and I need cash now!!

And naturally, immersed as we all are in pandemic epidemiology:

I’ve lost my herd immunity, and I need cash now!!

Nothing helps. Not even the previously foolproof Dead or Alive solution, which to this point had driven all ear-worms before it:

That always works! Always always!! Not anymore, though. It seems like it, for a few seconds, I get into the groove, you know, I’m all You spin me right round baby, right round / like a record baby, round round right round, but in just a few seconds it’s:

You spin me right round baby, but I need cash now!!

Whatever will I do? Would coronavirus be preferable?

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