I’ll Give You Simple

All the pundits are urging the Dems to keep it simple, and impeach on just one or two particularly egregious grounds, so as to avoid confusing the great unwashed with a litany of wrongdoing that would make Tolstoy read like Dr. Seuss. Forget Russia – that’s right, forget that he obtained office with the help of a foreign adversary. Forget Stormy Daniels and all that “Individual 1” stuff. Forget the 12,000 lies, the Muslim ban, the phony national emergencies, Mexico paying for the Wall, covering up murder for a Saudi prince, the overt racism, shit, forget all of it! Focus! People are too stupid to follow a complex narrative.

Well, look, people are stupid, painfully so, and after saying as much in a thousand different ways over the course of roughly 500,000 words worth of blog posts to date, I guess I’d sound silly arguing the contrary. If people weren’t morons we wouldn’t be in this mess, would we? It just pisses me off that we have to go at Fat Donny with maybe 1% of his sins, and not even the worst 1%, but fine, you want a nice, simple batch of Articles of Impeachment? You want Green Eggs and Ham, not Anna Karenina? Okee Dokee:

1. He put little kids in gulags, defying court orders, and left them to die.
2. He gorges on taxpayer dollars and foreign bribes in open and notorious violation of the Constitution.
3. He strong-arms foreign governments, bullying them into lying by hammering them with America’s power and resources, to further his domestic political survival and court foreign interference in elections.
4. He openly threatens civil war when confronted with lawful Congressional oversight.
5. Obstruction of justice.
6. Obstruction of Congress.

There. Shove that down McConnell’s gullet and let him and his fellow GOP stooges say that shit tastes like chicken.

Now for Christ’s sake, get on with it. No more glacial court process over stonewalled subpoenas – just add it under “obstruction of Congress” in the Articles of Impeachment. And if you can nail that prick Barr while you’re at it, I’ll commission a bronze statue. Something nice for the South Lawn.